My Legs Are Illegal: The Absurdity of Wheelchair Legislation

Imagine waking up one morning to find out your legs are illegal. Not in a cool, cyberpunk, outlaw-on-the-run kind of way. No, illegal in a very beige, government-paperwork, quietly-ableist kind of way. Welcome to the latest episode of “What Fresh Nonsense Is This?”, starring new UK legislation that’s somehow managed to criminalise my right to move through the world at a speed faster than a particularly slow labrador.

According to the recent guidance, wheelchairs used on pavements must weigh under 150kg and travel no faster than 4mph.

Let’s pause here.

Four. Miles. Per. Hour.

That’s a light jog for your gran. That’s slower than your average toddler chasing a balloon.

Illegally enjoying a music festival in undesirable number 1 - Basil the Beast - he weighs in at around 200kg and goes a whopping 8mph!

Now, let’s be clear—my wheelchair is my legs. It’s not a hobby. It’s not a cute accessory. It’s how I exist in the world. It’s how I work, travel, explore, and yes, sometimes race my dog down the park. But under these new rules, every single one of my chairs—powered, adapted, and essential to my independence—would be considered illegal. Just let that sink in.

The irony? These limits are supposedly about safety. But where’s the data showing that wheelchair users are terrorising the streets? I haven’t seen a single BBC Breaking News report about rogue chairs mowing down pedestrians. Spoiler alert: because it’s not happening.

Meanwhile, cars are still allowed to fly past schools at 30mph. E-scooters buzz past without insurance or helmets. But me? In my chair? I’m apparently a dangerous street menace if I move faster than a slow shuffle.

Under the Eiffel Tower in undesirable number 2 - Agnes my day chair, she weighs in at around 165kg and goes about 6mph!

This isn’t just frustrating—it’s dehumanising. The idea that my body, in its truest and most functional form, needs to be legislated into slowness to “fit in” on a pavement reeks of ableism. Imagine telling a non-disabled person they can’t walk briskly on a high street because someone might feel uncomfortable. That would be absurd, right? So why is it acceptable when it’s me?

We need policy rooted in real life, not outdated stereotypes about what wheelchairs are or how they’re used. We need to recognise mobility aids for what they are: extensions of the human body, deserving of the same dignity and freedom as any other legs. Whether my legs are made of bone or batteries, they are mine. And I should be allowed to use them as freely—and safely—as anyone else.

I don’t want to break the law. I just want to go to the shop at a speed that doesn’t feel like I’m wading through treacle.

So, until the law catches up with common sense, I guess I’ll keep being a rebel. A 5mph rebel. With flashing lights. And a sense of humour.

Because if my legs are illegal, then I guess I’ll be proudly criminal—one spin at a time.

Rolling over a misty bridge at The Eden Project in undesirable number 3 - Spencer - he’s nearly legal at only 16kg in weight but my Benoit Light Drive rolls him at a scary 6mph at full speed.